he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
