I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
