It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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