When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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