his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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