Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
