woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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