we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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