WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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