Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
