I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
