Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
