The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
