I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
