I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
