is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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