wanna go halves on a baby?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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