We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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