I bet he comes in French.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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