Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
