i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
