Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
