It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
