My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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