i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
