u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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