Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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