it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
