I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
