Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
