I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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