i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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