Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
