two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish you could order shots online.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
