uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
