I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
