i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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