Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
