I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
