Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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