I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
