i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
