You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
