I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
