We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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