I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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