my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
