your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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