Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
