My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
