can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
