chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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