i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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