Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
