Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize