We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
