thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize