you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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