Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
