He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
