Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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