never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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