she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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