A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
