I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
