we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's get the cat blown out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
