I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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