forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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