So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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