if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
