My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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