it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
