she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
