my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
