I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Success! We fucked roommates!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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