I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
